The second action to complement the internal transformation is to practice adopting the stance of ‘observing like a curious scientist’ the behaviours of your narcissist. Having started with increasing knowledge that it is not you, you’ve already begun. This phase is about beginning to neutralise your naturally highly emotive reactions, and hence shift the bonds of power the abuser has over you. Arm yourself and get ready for the next step. Other than validating the abuse, and that it isn’t you, this information teaches you about the elements of predictability in their behaviour. It also reminds you that IT ISN’T YOU! It is them, and a diagnosable Cluster B personality disorder: NPD.
Check out the page Recommended Wisdom on the site for recommended literature that is guaranteed to gift you with many eureka moments!īecoming conversant with the ploys used to undermine you, will make it that much easier for you to identify when it is being applied to you. Whatever you can get your hands on, to educate yourself, do it now. Read as much as you can – books, articles, blog posts listen to podcasts join support groups check out YouTube. In the first instance, make it your personal mission to become your own expert on NPD and associated manipulation tactics.
If it please the court wow full#
These actions will bring you closer to where you want to be: narc free and full of joy. Unhooking from these patterns will take effort and time, but you CAN take these steps to starve the narcissist and kick-start your recovery journey even while they are still in your life. Here are some practical steps you can take to begin short-circuiting the cycle of abuse by refusing to continue feeding the narc.īe kind and gentle with yourself as you begin to apply these, know that you have been programmed to think and behave solely focusing on meeting the needs of the narc in your life. This sounds all very much doom and gloom, BUT, it is raising your awareness of what drives their behaviour, and offers insight as to how you begin to reclaim your power. Sadly, the more you do react to bait and provide them with supply, the more their hunger grows. These tactics are all designed to provoke a negative emotional reaction in you (that’s right, not necessarily from you – it is sufficient for you to internalise the negativity only), thereby confirming for the narcissist that they retain power and control over you. After all, you probably wouldn’t bother to engage in negative and harmful situations when the person involved is inconsequential to you, right?Ĭonsider just a slice of narcissistic manipulation: gaslighting, triangulation, isolation, devaluation, denial, projection, smear campaigns, control, invalidation, word salads, generalisations, twisting the truth, refusing to take accountability, threats, moving the goal posts, expecting perfection…the list goes on. In this way, you are still their focus of attention, and they are proving to themselves that they DO in fact have power over you. Hence, it makes sense that in the absence of worship, being able to command negative attention via emotional reactions is similarly fulfilling as a form of supply.
Things start to fall into place when we comprehend that whilst adulation is the narc’s juice, so is their need to wield power and control over others. How could anyone get a high from making others miserable? From harming those they apparently ‘love’? To the non-narc, this is befuddling, and one of the hardest things to understand.
So long as the spotlight is on them, they are being fed, and you my dear, are the feast. They are also almost equally happy with negative attention. This isn’t all that makes them tick though.
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